It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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