morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
