I looked at my own cervix.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
