Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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