Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We're too hungover to prance.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
