Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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