He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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