no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
