so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
