Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize