Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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