y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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