So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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