im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
