tell your sister to shave her snatch
it hurts more in the daytime
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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