i was born a porn star she said
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
