If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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