dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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