so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
