and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
