I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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