PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
