Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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