Me. At least after what I've been through.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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