did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
