six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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