what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
