just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
