it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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