there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
