i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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