You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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