My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
