this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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