it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
