This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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