so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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