tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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