3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
