Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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