why didn't you poke me back
I cannot find my penis.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
