I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
