apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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