watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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