Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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