You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
