physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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