Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
