If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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