doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
