She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
