Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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