Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
