Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
