I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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