I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
