i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
