I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
