Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you traded sex for a burrito?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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