tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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