I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
