Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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