Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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