they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
