The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
