Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
