I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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