Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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