he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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