can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
