My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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