I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize